BIO
The best way to begin my bio is with a comparison
to that famous Davy Crockett song:
Born on a mountain top in Tennessee
(Well ... not quite; it was Kentucky, but it was real
close to the Tennessee border, in a mining community called Shields,
so I'm going with it.)
Greenest state in the land of the free
(Actually it's the bluegrass state, but work with
me.)
Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree
(Gee, this one's tough. I grew up in a sleepy little
suburb just outside of Akron, Ohio, but I played in the woods that
was nearby, at least every chance I got, and the suburb was kind
of like a woods. I mean, don't they call cities concrete
jungles? That being the case, I think that the burbs
qualifies as being woods.)
And killed him a b'ar when he was only three
(I've got to be honest here. I had my appendix removed
when I was about three and spent about two weeks in the hospital
because I almost died because I caught pneumonia and really scared
my mother and stuff, which sort of put the quietus on my bear hunting
activities. But because I survived the ordeal, I'd say that's kinda
like killing a bear. Isn't it? My mother would certainly say it
was.)
So much for beginnings. Now for the middle part. I'll skip all
the crap and go right to the good stuff. I'm talking about the 6th,
7th and 8th grades at Ritzman Elementary School (and Hyre Junior
High School). I've thought about it a lot, and I keep coming back
to those idyllic years. They were unquestionably the best of my
life. Why? It's simple. I was still a kid.
This is pretty much where my bio ends, because everything started
to turn to shit in high school. All of a sudden I wasn't a kid anymore.
It was like everything got all serious and stuff. The hormones had
kicked in, and next thing I knew everyone I knew wasn't everyone
I knew. As if by some kind of strange magic, they were someone else,
someone I didn't recognize. The mysterious transformations even
affected me, changing me from a playful, trusting and downright
carefree child into ... well, I honestly don't know. I've yet to
figure out what it's turned me into, other than something that people
keep telling me is a cynical bastard.
About Me
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