CHOICES

In this time of so much talk of protecting freedom I can’t help but be reminded of the existentialist claim of a freedom that we will never have, the freedom from choice. In fact, they go so far as to tell us that we’re condemned to choose. Talk about harsh.

And sometimes it’s a bummer, especially with the big choices, like the ones related to our careers, or marriage partners. Whatever decision we make in those areas seems irrevocable, which means that we often develop the feeling that we’ve boxed ourselves in by such choices.

Yeah, I know, people do revoke them all the time. In fact, the extent to which we change marriage partners or jobs is an indication of how dissatisfied we often are with those choices (which we had to make, remember), and possibly, (although I know that most people don’t think quite this deeply about it) with the fact that we have to choose at all. I mean, after all, did any of us ask to be here?

I can only speak for myself on the matter, and I gotta tell you, I honestly do not remember asking to be here. There is even a verse from the Bible that I love to use whenever I’m having a conversation with anyone on the subject:

“It is he that hath made us and not we ourselves.”

(Psalms 100:3)

Every time I read this, I can’t help but get a little worked up over it.

The basic point I try to put across is simple. If He made us, then (at least it seems to me) He is responsible. And if He’s responsible, why am I going around worrying about what I’m supposed to do to earn a living? If He made me, it sort of sounds like I am free. So why do I have to go to the trouble of paying for me by earning a living? It doesn’t make sense.

As you can probably sense, the career choice thing has always been a hassle for me, a major hassle. I basically copped an attitude over it. If He made me, why doesn’t He also make something for me to do? Why do I have to do the choosing? It’s enough to make me wonder whether or not the world just might owe me a living.

It seems the existentialists are right; I am condemned to choose, life partner, job, the color of shirt I’m going to wear, what I’m going to eat and/or drink, whether I’m going to read or write or watch television, or surf the net, or just sit around fantasizing about the choices I could have made.

I no sooner write this than I hear a thousand voices inside my head screaming, "What would you rather have, someone else making the choices for you?"

To which I can only respond, "No, I don't want someone else making the choices for me. The problem consists in the fact that I really don't have any choice about making choices. I have to make them, and sometimes I just don't want to. I feel especially aware of all this in the midst of a big crowd of really scared people frantically proclaiming how free we are. That's all."