CHRISTMAS (12/17/2004)

It's the Christmas season, and thanks to ubiquitous commercial interest, it's nigh impossible not to notice it. I mean, it seems like it starts in freaking September. What the hell is that all about?

And every year it's the same thing, and I don't mean in the market place. I'm talking about the noise inside my own head. You know, all that stuff about it being a pagan holiday wrapped up in Christian mythology.

I've been hearing it for years, even spouting off about it myself. Just recently I came to the conclusion that I don't care. It's like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. You know the stuff is totally phony, but do you really want it to go away? I mean, really? Personally, I love the idea of Santa Claus.

So what happens? Just about the time I convince myself that the enchanting pageantry of Christmas is worth keeping all by itself (primarily because it is a fantasy and not real), in spite of the fact that, at rock bottom, it's nothing more than a Christianized version of the Saturnalia or Natalis Invictus, I come across the following news item (posted on Yahoo on 12/15/04):

"In Terrebonne Parish, La., an organization is petitioning to add "Merry Christmas" to the red-lighted "Season's Greetings" sign on the main government building and is selling yard signs that read, "We believe in God. Merry Christmas." And a Raleigh, N.C. church recently paid $7,600 for a full-page newspaper ad urging Christians to spend their money only with merchants who include the greeting 'Merry Christmas' in ads and displays.
' There is a revival taking place in our nation that is causing Christian and right-minded people to say, `Wait a minute. We've gone too far,' says the Rev. Patrick Wooden Sr., pastor of the Raleigh church. 'We're not going to allow the country to continue this downward spiral to the left.'
In California, a group called the Committee to Save Merry Christmas is boycotting Macy's and its corporate parent, Federated Department Stores, accusing them of replacing 'Merry Christmas' signs with ones wishing shoppers 'Season's Greetings' or 'Happy Holidays.' The organization cites 'the recent presidential election showing political correctness is offending millions of Americans.' "

Will somebody just answer one question for me? What the hell is wrong with these people? Chill out. This sounds like very anti-Christmas-spirit behavior to me. It's downright aggressive. It's like they have a chip on their shoulder. Religious freaks don't make any sense. They have to be some of the most irrational (and running scared) people on the planet. I'd like to enjoy the mere spectacle of Christmas, the gaudy glitter of the lights, the enchantment of the trees with choo-choo trains circling around their bases and so on. But these religious idiots won't let me. They're too concerned about being offended. Aren't these the same people who also go around spouting off about turning the other cheek?

Someone once said, "Show me a Christian and I'll be one." Amen. I personally don't know any either. I know a lot of people who claim to be Christians, but I can't honestly say I've actually met the real deal, the bona fide article. I used to go to church every Sunday (the Sun's day by the way, for Sun, i.e., Sol Invictus, worshippers) and see all the women there dressed (and smelling) like French whores and the men with their fashionable (then) Dockers and polo shirts also smelling like their own (male) version of French whores. It was nothing but an excuse to socialize (and network) with a bunch of other people who believed (more or less) the same thing.

Yeah, like Jesus would do that crap. Jesus would have nothing to do with those people. My image of him is what turns me off the most about Christians (and why I want nothing to do with them). They're nothing like the man they claim to follow, the man they're always trying to get you to accept as your personal savior. Can you imagine Jesus wearing a pair of Dockers and a polo shirt? Even a suit? Somehow, I don't think so. And by the way, Jesus wasn't interested in being a personal savior so much as a national one. It's why he was going around preaching the kingdom (i.e., nation) of God.

But you know what? I think he'd like Christmas, and not for the reason it's ostensibly celebrated (his birthday). He'd have a good laugh over that. Trust me, he couldn't care less that people were celebrating the date of his birth, which, in all probability, isn't the correct date anyway. He'd like it because it caters so much to children, with grownups exhibiting faith in their ability to pay for gifts they can't afford and creating imaginary worlds of pure fantasy, brimming over with beautiful pageantry and snow-white spectacle. He'd love it because, basically, it's absolutely bursting with good vibes. At least it's supposed to be.

But you have these gun-toting, southern redneck Christians marching around all in a huff because they're pissed off about political correctness. These are the kind of people Jesus was talking about when he said,

"Not every one who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.' "

(Matthew 7:21-23)

Star of Bethlehem

Easter

Thanksgiving Story