CONVERSATION

When is the last time you participated in a good conversation, or even heard one?

Maybe it's just one of my personal quirks, but I've got this notion about conversations that makes me doubt that I've participated in one, or heard one, in a long time.

The idea is based on a simple premise, namely, that there is a significant difference between conversing and reporting.

Do you ever overhear other people talking to each other? When you do, do you pay attention to what they're saying?

I began making my own study of such overheard conversations a few years ago and was somewhat surprised at my findings. All I seemed to be hearing was reporting, which is essentially the sharing of stories. Two people would meet by chance in a grocery store, for example, exchange greetings, which of course is absolutely necessary to begin talking, and immediately begin to swap personal reports:

"My husband was so mad when we got that bill ..."

"My aunt had to have some emergency surgery ..."

"I don't know what I'm gonna do with that child of mine ..."

And so on.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with passing around personal reports. I do it myself when I run into someone I haven't seen for awhile. My point is that personal reporting and conversing are two different things.

Before my little study, if I had overheard some people exchanging such reports, I would have most likely talked about it by saying, "I overheard this conversation today ..." But not anymore. Now I'd say, "I overheard some people exchanging reports ..."

Conversation, real conversation, is never personal, while story-telling nearly always is.

Talking about the weather, or current events (including sports) is also a form of reporting. It's enough to make me believe that people really don't like to engage in conversation; they'd much rather spend their time telling stories, indulging in their own personal reporting.

It's so much easier. Not paying attention to their own selves is something that most people do not care to do, which is basically what is happening in the midst of a real conversation, where you are primarily focused on an idea. Real conversations, in other words, have a way of taking you outside of yourself, a place that most people (especially in America it seems) do not want to go.

Now it's time to back up. I said that I haven't heard a good conversation in a long time, but actually I have - on television. Programs like Meet the Press are doing nothing more than hosting conversations, and usually rather good ones. In fact, it would be considered a show of poor taste (not to mention downright unprofessional) for one of the panelists to indulge in a personal report. If you're ever so inclined, pay close attention to the conversations on one of these shows sometime, then go out into the real world and see how many similar "talking events" you run across (or participate in yourself). You'll be surprised at how much personal reporting you find, and how little conversation.