wayneholland.org

 

I JUST WANNA BE HUGGED

July 20, 2010

 

If you've been wandering around this site much over the past five or six years you've probably come across an occasional reference to a little book I put together back in 1997 titled Watching the River Flow. It was a motley collection of thoughts I had recorded during that year, which happened to be the year I turned 50.

I originally called it Calendar, and did not actually publish it until sometime around 2002.

Actually, the full title was Calendar, An Invitation to Write. You see, I had a dual purpose in mind when I wrote it. Not only did I want to look back (should I have the good fortune to live to 75 or more) on the workings of my mind at 50, but I also wanted to offer some sort of assistance to other aspiring writers. Hence, the subtitle.

I was on many occasions deliberately provocative, sincerely thinking that a prospective writer/reader might read what I had to say and be motivated (i.e., pissed off) enough to write a response. I offered a lot of room on the page for that purpose and the book was ring-bound so that it could be easily laid open on a desk top and written in.

The book is now re-titled as Watching the River Flow, with the somewhat lengthy subtitle, A whole year of stuff to think about (and it is no longer ring-bound, nor does it have all that room on the page to write on.)

I now offer the book (on the rare occasions when I even mention it) as a sort of daily-meditation vehicle. But as it turns out, I have mystified myself with what I wrote in that personal journal, on today's date:

Some people wouldn't be healthy if they were not sick.

I read this today and thought, "What the hell does that mean?"

Yeah, I don't even understand myself sometimes.

But I refused to let that stand in my way. I knew I meant something by it. I hadn't just pulled it right out of my ass.

Thank God it didn't take too long before it hit me. I can't stand it when something is nagging at me like that, and this was something that I myself had said. Holy crap!

What it's about is hypochondria.

Distilled to its finest essence, hypochondriacs are looking for a hug.

And there is more than the basic physical hug, which we all need and want (probably more than anything else, from birth on). There is the equally important psychological hug.

So what the hell is that, you ask?

It's actually very simple. You're giving someone a psychological hug whenever you're really (I mean really) listenening while they commiserate with you.

We like for people to listen to us (and of course empathize) almost as much as we like the physical input we receive from a regular old-fashioned hug.

Hypochondriacs are really saying that they just want to be hugged. They want us to empathize with their imagined illnesses and (with any luck) to give them actual hugs along with it.

They do not always succeed, I'm sure, especially with family members who are onto their non-existent illnesses. But I am equally sure that they often do succeed and keep searching till they find a willing ear (and equally willing pair of arms) to lean on.

Hugging is healthy. (Research it on the internet if you don't believe me.)

And, as I just mentioned, we all want it and very much need it. We want it from the moment we're born, a traumatic moment marking essentially our being cut off from the perpetual hug of the womb, which is a pretty good description of the pre-natal state.

Yes, in the womb we were being constantly hugged. The act of parturition both radically and rudely disrupts a state that verges on the sublime. It is only natural that we should immediately (as well as throughout the entirety of our lifetime) seek to re-establish that original aura of bliss.

Those who get the most hugs win!

That is, they most ensure (even prolong) their personal health. In other words, some people wouldn't be healthy if they were not sick (or at least pretending to be).