Wayne Holland: The Irrational Universe

Making a Woman

... the path of God ...


I am increasingly drawn to the idea of making a woman, as opposed to simply accepting the naturally-occurring ones that currently dominate the planet (and I do mean dominate).

At first blush this idea may sound a tad bit strange, especially to the feminists, who so avidly tout their femininity and never pass up - or so it seems - any opportunity to extol its worthiness. Indeed, I have little doubt that they would waste any time in raking me over the coals for suggesting such a thing, indicting me in the process with being a womanizer, a pig and so on.

But I am taking my cue (as is nearly always the case) from the Bible. The very first woman (Eve) was a creature formed and fashioned by the hand of God Himself, not something that virtually grew out of the ground in the fashion of the man's appearance (yes, I know, with God's help as well, but not quite the same as with the woman, who was actually a clone of sorts, a much more sophisticated process).

Since God has apparently taken a break of sorts from His woman-making activities, perhaps it is time for technology to pick up the slack and begin the process anew.

If the women the computer graphic artists are currently visualizing are any indication at all (and I sincerely hope they are) the feminine creatures about to be engineered through advanced genetic engineering techniques should be fantastic (I'm talking jaw-dropping fantastic).



It is truly difficult to conceive that a "normal" guy would not want something like this at his disposal (yes, disposal, with sex whenever, and however, he wanted it; no negotiating, groveling, bending over backwards to please or any other aggravations required).

And of course I am in no way referring to a woman made of synthetic materials, after the fashion of those increasingly popular love dolls that sell for six-thousand dollars. No. Hell no. The genetically manufactured babes that I envision will be made of human DNA, in much the same manner in which Eve was made from human DNA taken from Adam's rib. It is not stretching it in the least to suggest that God Himself has already given us the approval to start working on this (by virtue of the fact that He did it Himself).

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
Genesis 2:22

I am especially taken by the last clause: "and brought her unto the man."

As if she had a choice in it.

It seems abundantly clear that the whole idea is summed up in one word: control. In the context of the prevailing relationship paradigm, women control the mating game. I flat out do not like this. In fact, I do not much care for the mating game, period. I utterly detest relationships. I would just as soon dispense with them altogether.

Once we begin making women again, like God did (instead of allowing them to grow in the womb), we can control the manner of their presentation.

I am as well referring to non-sentient women. They will not have what we are so pleased to call souls. They will not have feelings that can be hurt, sensibilities that must be catered to lest they - God forbid - be disappointed and so on.

I envision the perfect woman as possessing a level of intelligence that is perhaps equivalent to that of a dog, or cat, enough smarts to take care of herself with respect to hygiene, but not enough to offer any sass (or engage in any nagging).

I truly believe this will one day come to pass, but, unfortunately, some time after I am gone. Alack and alas, I will not live to see this incredible world populated with totally righteous babes that men can have sex with at their leisure, no questions asked, no regrets to contend with, no hassles. I will have to content myself with just fantasizing about it.

Oh, by the way, in case there are any smart-ass women out there who would fain assure me that they might do the same, i.e., start making men, I'm fairly sure that they won't. Why? It's pretty simple. Women do not need men in the way that men need women. The Bible states as much:

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18

There is no equivalent scripture regarding women. The Bible nowhere suggests that women need men. Paul repeats this in the New Testament:

Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
I Corinthians 11:9

No, O woman that you are (whoever you are), I have a very strong feeling that you will not undertake the prorject of making men. You are just not motivated.

One last thing. I am in no way suggesting (nor do I even remotely believe) that the ability to make such women will herald the doom of "natural" women. No way. They will always be around, because there will always be a demand for them. Yes, there are many men who like the challenges inherent in the mating game, for that is precisely how they view women, as a challenge.

And they might indeed wither without such challenges, in much the same way that certain plants are not completely successful if they are not properly stressed. Then again, there is the wisdom inherent in that ever-popular saying that everyone seems so pleased to offer lately: if it don't kill you it makes you stronger. I believe there is an element of truth to this. The women, after all, are not killing us, so maybe they are making us better people with all their tiresome bullshit.

But, be that as it may, we still want the goods without all the effort we sometimes have to put forth. What will likely happen is that the new women will merely supplement the old ones, not replace them. At first, these new women will be prohibitively expensive, available to only the wealthiest. In time, they will be used in much the same way that porn is used, for purely masturbatory purposes. As I suggested in Sex With a Clone, it will be the most sophisticated form of masturbation imaginable.

It may even turn out that the natural women will want to avail themselves of these manufactured types. I will never forget reading (a supposedly true story) about a woman who had just had a baby and was not in any mood for sex - but her husband was. So what did she do? She hired a prostitute, met her at the door and paid her herself and sent her upstairs to take care of her husband. If these cloned babes had been available, she just may have preferred that her husband use one of them instead of a womb-grown human being. Somehow, a husband satisfying himself with a soulless woman does not seem as bad as doing it with a prostitute. It is not but a step up from watching porn and masturbating.

Then there are the wives who do not want to engage in certain types of sex. There are also husbands who most certainly want these kinds of sex, but do not want it with their wives. Remember the scene from Analyze This when Billy Crystal discovers that Robert DeNiro has a girlfriend? He remarks, "But I thought you were married." DeNiro responds, "She kisses my kids with that mouth!" The message was transparent. He definitely wanted that kind of sex, but not with his wife, because "she kisses my kids with that mouth." The bottom line is simply that these genetically-engineered women could prove very useful to both sexes.

They are coming. Yes, indeed, they are coming. You can bank on it. And when they do, we will truly feel the impact of that old saying regarding the wisdom (or stupidity) of buying a cow when we can get the milk for free.

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